The first of my series of Alien Nine fics is here, Consumption: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5943525/1/Consumption it is only the prologue right now so it isnt much, just setting the stage, but I would like to hear what peaple think
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| Consumption http://alien9.crossrealms.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=640 |
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| Author: | Draco Mutation [ Mon May 03, 2010 11:03 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Consumption |
The first of my series of Alien Nine fics is here, Consumption: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5943525/1/Consumption it is only the prologue right now so it isnt much, just setting the stage, but I would like to hear what peaple think .
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| Author: | AmazonLeopard [ Tue May 04, 2010 3:56 am ] |
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I like it. It's nice and ominous. And the spelling is much better. Why does the whiny soldier remind me of Yuri and the scary boy remind me of Ryoma? |
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| Author: | Draco Mutation [ Tue May 04, 2010 4:10 am ] |
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The soldier reminds you of Yuri probly for the fact that he is whiny and scared, the boy reminding you of Ryoma actully has a deeper meaning, This character has bine in my head for awhile, and I made Ryoma based on him, but the difrences between them will become aparent latar, also my original plan was to have this character be Megumis son, but that plan was scrapt, so Ryoma being Megumis son comes from that original idea, but unlike Ryoma this guy isnt insane, he will prove to be a decent threat, but "Mother" is the real threat. |
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| Author: | Draco Mutation [ Tue May 04, 2010 9:42 pm ] |
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Consumption chapter two(or one if you don't count prologues) is here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5943525/2/Consumption so how do you think that chapter went? did the Alien Fighters do well agenst there first mutant? and who is our little guest star? |
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| Author: | AmazonLeopard [ Wed May 05, 2010 2:50 am ] |
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I like the Caterpie Pokemon reference. I don’t recognize the buffalo with bat head and wings and scorpion exoskeleton. I think you made that up. I like the part where Yuri’s borg saved Kumi, but it sounded like he got mad because Yuri got the credit for it. Kasumi is so reckless, charging after an alien she’s never seen before, but that is so like her. They did a good job fighting but I bet they would have been injured bad if they were stung. It was creepy at the end when the alien said, “Mother.” It reminds me more-and-more of Ryoma. I hope he really comes to school with them. I like that you don’t do what some authors do and threaten, “I won’t write anymore if you don’t review!” It’s so annoying. And you should write because you enjoy it, not for some other reason. |
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| Author: | Draco Mutation [ Wed May 05, 2010 3:00 am ] |
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You got the Catterpie cameo, and yes the Buffalo-bat-scorpion is mine, it isnt even a alien, it's a Mutant, and the boy will come to school with them, and the secret of his odd mindless Borg will be revieled and even more of Mothers power and intentions. |
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| Author: | Draco Mutation [ Wed May 05, 2010 5:58 pm ] |
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Here is chapter three: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5943525/3/Consumption so what do you think? |
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| Author: | AmazonLeopard [ Wed May 05, 2010 8:33 pm ] |
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I like how Yuri is scared of him and knows right away he is evil, but Kasumi is friendly anyway. He’s going to clone them isn’t he? |
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| Author: | Draco Mutation [ Wed May 05, 2010 8:58 pm ] |
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Yes he is, how do you like the explenation for the Dark Borg? |
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| Author: | AmazonLeopard [ Wed May 05, 2010 9:13 pm ] |
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The Borg's mind is erased and it has no free will so using one is like using your own limbs. Kumi's right. He's cruel to do that to a borg, even if was cloned so it was born that way. But that's good for the story because it makes him look more evil. The other genetic enhancements will make him tough to defeat I am sure. |
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| Author: | Draco Mutation [ Wed May 05, 2010 9:16 pm ] |
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Actully it was Kumis Borg who said it was cruel, but the others were probly thinking the same anyway, if you notice I gave the Borg's more lines, I think Yuris Borg's Birds and Bees line was funny personaly, but dose it sound like something he would say? |
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| Author: | AmazonLeopard [ Wed May 05, 2010 9:21 pm ] |
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It was funny, but I don't know or get if a Borg would know a human joke like the Birds and the Bees. Leave it in there anyway. Maybe no one will notice. Yes I did and I'm glad they talk more. |
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| Author: | Draco Mutation [ Wed May 05, 2010 9:25 pm ] |
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Thank you, next chapter will focus more around a seemingly ordinary fight with a Alien(/Mutant youle have to wait to know witch) that might of hidden consiqences, and wen the clones are done the Alien Fighters are going to need to catch on or els there friendship might be lost as well as there lives. |
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| Author: | Draco Mutation [ Thu May 06, 2010 12:29 am ] |
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Well lookie lookie, Ive allreddy got chapter four(three if you don't count...forget it!) here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5943525/4/Consumption alittle shorter then the others but I think it get's the point across. |
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| Author: | AmazonLeopard [ Thu May 06, 2010 4:38 am ] |
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You write fast. Miyu sure is taking a liking to Tatsuo. Either he’s got her hypnotized or she just doesn’t see the evil and just thinks Yuri is being rude. How strange that she does not trust her own friend. I think she likes him. Oh yuck, they got covered in gunk. It was great to see Yuri win for once. Too bad it was staged. Poor Mushroom-rex. It died to fulfill Tatsuo’s plan. I’m confused. Did Tatsuo turn into Yuri after the mushroom cloud? If so, where did the real Yuri go? I’m sure you’ll say next chapter. |
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